how can i ever save the world on cup-o-soup and student loans?

about an hour ago (i.e., 10:00 p.m.-ish), i was walking home (i.e., to the hostel i'm staying at for my first month in toronto) from campus. i had my headphones on, and i was carrying my backpack on my back. it's about a 45-minute walk, and somewhere just north of dundas on yonge, a young man--maybe in his early 20s--who was walking in the opposite direction from me stuck out his foot and tripped me.

i didn't fall down, but i definitely stumbled. he kept walking. he got about 15 or 20 feet away before i turned around and walked after him, and called out, "hey!" he turned around, and i took my headphones off and we stood facing each other, about two feet apart, and i asked him very politely, "why did you do that?" he said, "what?" i asked him again, "why did you do that?" he said, "what, you're not afraid of me? you're not intimidated by me? you're not afraid i'm going to kick your ass or something?" he was a little taller than me, "white," skinny, possibly homeless, and likely not intoxicated (as far as i could tell). i looked him in the eyes and told him that no, i was not afraid of him. i sort of half-smiled and said, "no, why would i be afraid of you? i just want to know why you tried to trip me? what were you thinking?" i kept pressing him and he became sort of sheepish about it. he didn't give me an answer, so as i turned to leave i said (in a kind voice, i think), "okay, well, take care and have a good night," and he said, "you don't mean that." and i was pretty sure he just needed someone to mean that. so i asked him what his name was. he gave me a business card with an obviously fake name and a phone number. he started walking in the same direction that i was walking. i tried asking him some more questions about himself--where he was from, what he does to keep busy, what he likes to do--but he was pretty evasive with straight answers. my strategy was partly to convey interest in him because i felt that he needed it then (and i was genuinely curious about his life, and what prompted him to try to trip a strange girl on the street), and partly to stay in control of the conversation, because i have a hard time refraining from disclosing personal information when people ask me direct questions, and i didn't want him to ask me anything that gave away too much information. he totally softened up once he started walking with me--and, i mean, aside from the tripping, he was pretty gentle in the first place--but remained very secretive. i wondered why he was so insistent on keeping his secrets, so i asked him about it. he didn't really give me a clear answer on that either. he asked me why i confronted him about the tripping. i said that i was just genuinely curious what had been going through his head when he decided to trip me, and what he thought would come of it, and how it would affect me and how it would affect him, and so on. i told him that i don't think people call others on that kind of thing enough, and that i thought it merited reflection, which is why i called him out on it. he then sort of gave me an answer about being lonely and wanting a chance with a girl like me, which i know is familiar banter to come from homeless young men. i told him very politely but firmly that i was off the market anyway, because i was fully in love with the love of my life. he was actually pretty respectful in response to that answer.

i couldn't figure out a way to politely but firmly separate myself from him before getting back to my hostel, but i decided it would be okay to head straight to the hostel, since i won't be staying there too much longer and the front desk people will not give anyone any information about their guests. he continued on with me until i got to the hostel, and when we got to the front door, i told him goodnight and that i hoped he would take care. i tried to shake his hand and he tried to hug me, so i hugged him back. he stated again that he was still pretty bewildered that i wasn't afraid of him. then i said goodbye and went inside, and he left.

so... the questions that come out of this include:

1. why did he try to trip me? did he feel like he needed to establish some sort of power because he feels powerless in other parts of his life? was he looking for a rise out of me, hoping i would get mad and make a scene? does he do that frequently to people? if so, why?

2. how can i provide goodness in situations like that while still keeping my own body, spirit, and privacy safe?

3. i'm totally broke, and did not have any money to give to him to provide shelter or food. is it comparably nourishing to provide attention and an opportunity for reflection, if that's all i have to give? can i really claim that's all i have to give?

4. was my act of calling him out in a non-aggressive way effective and disarming? were we able to understand ourselves and each other better as a result? if so, how can that sort of response be applied in other potentially aggressive situations?

i will write a little bit later about what justin and i did when we were in alberta, but for now, an update:

i moved to toronto on tuesday. i hated victoria, and so i am transferring into the master of mu5eum 5tudies program at the u of t. (sorry, i just don't want this blog to be found if people google search for the program.) so far, i LOVE it here! i've only had one class so far. my classes are mondays, tuesdays, and wednesday mornings, and then i have wednesday afternoon until monday afternoon free! since i got into toronto on tuesday night, i've only been to my wednesday morning class. there are about 35 first-year students in my program! that's quite a bit compared to victoria, where i think there were 8 first-years in my program. pretty much everyone is taking our required courses together, so i got to meet a bunch of the other students and introduce myself to them. then on thursday, our faculty took us to ottawa, so we could listen to some speakers and see the exhibits at the canadian museum of civilization. we also had some time on saturday to check out whatever museum we wanted, but i was the only one to check out parliament (because i had never been, and because i am broke and did not want to pay to get into a museum). i also ate at an AMAZING place near the national gallery called "memories." next time you're in ottawa, go there. they have the biggest apple pie slices i have ever seen. half of us stayed in a hostel in ottawa, while the other half stayed at a hotel. guess which half i was in. it was pretty great to get to know my new classmates like this, PLUS i had my first beaver tail ever. i guess they're a big deal in ottawa.

yesterday night, after we got back from ottawa, i checked into a hostel in toronto, where i'll be staying for the next month. it's not great, and the heater in my room is currently broken, but it's cheap and within perfect walking distance from campus, so i guess i can't complain too much.

hey pals. sorry it's been so long.

christmas holidays were great. justin and i both arrived at the edmonton airport on december 14th. my last few days in victoria were sort of hellish, because i hated it there so much and didn't have much to do to keep myself busy. i was sort of dreading that my craziness would spill over to my time in alberta with justin... but thankfully, it didn't! (i think.) we didn't spend nearly as much time in edmonton as i had wanted to, partially because justin had a ton of computer work to get done from my parents' place in preparation for his trip to ghana, and partially because i couldn't really afford the gas and the meals. anyway, in edmonton, we listened to old uglians play music; stayed with the wonderfully hospitable jessica jalbert; watched tron with nathan and the kelly boys; drank hot chocolate and visited with nathan; went swimming/watersliding at WEM with jessica, liam, jonathan, kelsey, and paul; crafted with jessica, kelsey, paul, jenni, and shamira; ate breakfast together at cafe mosaic; ate at new asian village with jay, his girlfriend renee, and renee's friend; justin skateboarded at WEM while i bought us underwear; went to the downtown and strathcona farmers' markets; ate wraps at remedy; ate brunch with bri at healthfare; and stopped in at capital health so that justin could get 4 shots and some malaria pills for his trip to ghana.

i thought we would come back over new year's, but like i said, it just wasn't in the cards. i missed out visiting with leila, bethany, kim, becky, shannon, kaylin, landon, and natasha (who was supposedly in edmonton during the holidays). boo. maybe i'll see them in the summer.