-talking with nathan, becky, and "the car boys" at natasha's about christianity and "being jesus to people." i mean, that's kind of what it was about. (some backstory: i've been attending this thing that natasha and nathan host weekly, which is basically a small group affiliated with their church, and although i definitely don't identify as christian anymore, i like having conversations about the sorts of things that come up in christian small group settings, and i like hanging out with natasha and nathan.) anyway, the conversation made me angry in the way that i love being angry, when my whole body shakes and my voice gets really low and quiet and shaky but calm. i think it was a particularly hard conversation for nathan and me (we didn't get in a fight, that's not how it went at all - it was just really difficult, i think, for both of us for different reasons), but it felt really good to talk things out. and i especially loved being able to talk/think critically with nathan about ways that we (as christians (although i'm not identifying myself as one here), as allies, as whatever) can positively affect change in our communities without being colonial about it. one of the reasons i got sort of emotional about it is that, like i mentioned before, there's sort of been some shit going down in one of my social circles concerning this sort of thing, and i think we (again, as allies/christians/whatever) need to be really conscious about our motivations and assumptions and methods in the things we do. that's sort of vague. ask me about it in person and we'll talk about it. i like talking about things like this.
-talking with bri, bethany, karen, nathan, and kim p. (in separate conversations) about church and community. bri and i talked about how king's became our church/community when we went there, and how we both felt sort of lost once we graduated from there and lost our "communities." however, we've both since built up some really nourishing, healthy communities around ourselves with really lovely people. later, when i was talking with bethany and karen, i think they both agreed that the same had happened for them. but then a few days later, when i was talking with kim, she pointed out the difference between church communities and the communities we build up by ourselves. although it's really nice to have the "community" that i feel like i have, with all these amazing, politically/socially/environmentally sensitive people, the communities that we build up on our own are sort of flawed because they consist of hand-picked community members. by contrast, church communities consist of people that we may not necessarily get along with, or have very little in common with, but the one thing that ties us together is a commitment to working through tough shit together, presumably through a broadly agreed-upon perspective or set of assumptions. which, i think, is pretty neat. and which brings me to nathan, because i think he is a pretty shining example of someone who tries really hard to work through tough shit with people.
-talking with leila about gender, ethics, and polyamory. you can ask me about this one in person, because it's the internet and i just don't want to get into on here or misspeak, but i'll let you know that it was informed by a lecturer (janet hardy) we both heard speak (although not at the same time) and a film (red without blue) we both saw (again, not at the same time). anyways, one of the highlights for both of us, i think, was recognizing that leila's self-proclaimed "immature" masculinity (marked by curiosity and a need for adventure and mischief) is balanced in a really healthy way by incredibly mature femininity (marked, i think, by pretty overwhelmingly nurturing, loving, and graceful qualities). i'm also learning a lot about my own fear of/contempt for more... how should i say... advanced?... forms of masculinity. at least, masculinity as i understand it.
-talking with leila about how we both feel the 40-hour work week is bullshit, and our shared impatience for people who work jobs they hate.
-talking with some of my classmates about reconciliation. i want to be part of communities that recognize that people hurt each other, and commit to working through that shit together in a good way.
-talking with kaylin about a mazillion things, from the wonder of evolution to healthcare to the ways that we love people. man, she's incredible.
so, in conclusion: this is what i'm going to miss most about edmonton. these kinds of conversations with these kinds of people. i know there are probably neat people who live outside of edmonton. but i'm not sure if they're THIS neat.
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