rock!!!rock!!!rock!!!

today. no, yesterday. yesterday. yesterday i drove home in the jeep, and highway 16 eastbound is pretty much off-roading without the pleasure of mud and puddles. thank you, alberta infrastructure. i met my dad in vegreville for lunch at vito's, and then i drove to vermilion. i sat at home and crocheted mittens - some for alyssa, some for courtney, some for myself....

oh! i remember what i was going to say about yesterday. as i was driving home, somewhere between vegreville and vermilion, i was thinking about what my dad thinks about me going to guyana. as usual, our meal in vegreville consisted of him trying to persuade me to not go to guyana, and instead, encouraging me to plan out all my life right now and to get a job at husky oil for the rest of my life. he is worried about a million things that could go wrong on the trip. and as i was driving, i kept thinking about how, when i worked at the shelters, i would always look up at the clock on the wall to see what time it was. but since it was the middle of the night, and all the clients were sleeping, the room would be dark, and for some reason, my eyes couldn't focus on the hands of the clock if i looked straight at it. but strangely, if i looked slightly to the left or right of the clock, my peripheral vision could pick up the position of the hands, and i could tell the time. anyways, it just reminded me of all this guyana stuff because if you look at it straight on, like my dad is, it is difficult to make sense of why i am going. there is a bunch of stuff that could make me sick, physically, mentally, and emotionally, and it seems like there will be a lot of things that will be really difficult. a smoother course would be to stay in edmonton, in familiarity and comfort, and just get a job and keep it for a million years and save money. but i have to look at this all like i looked at the clock - not straight on, but a little to the left or right. by focusing on things around guyana, instead of guyana itself, it just seems so clear that this is the right thing for me. all the things i've done for the last few years, working with AFL and the shelters and at the museum; all the possibilities for the future, like the native studies program at the u of a; and the things in the present, like the deep need and desire to leave the city for an extended period of time - all those things combined make that thing in the middle, that time in guyana, a little more clearer. so i shall be confident in that, hope for the best, and be thankful for friends' thoughts and prayers.

anyway... back to my time at home. i watched "match point" with my mom, which, like all movies lately, was too too long. boo. but we also made some blueberry crumble, which was magically delicious.

today, i was up at 9:30 and my mom made us tea biscuits. mm-mmm. i crocheted some more, and watched "hank williams first nation" by myself. i liked it. i especially liked hearing names like "salt prairie" and "grouard" and stuff like that, and being excited because i knew where they were. they even mentioned "vermilion," but i think that they might have meant fort vermilion, if they were even referring to a real place at all. neat, still. and it was nice to hear the men talk in cree in one part. i am quickly becoming convinced that cree is the prettiest language in the world.

my mom and i made fajitas, and i cleaned up, and then we went into town so i could say goodbye to my grandma and gido. their street was being torn up, so we had to park a couple of blocks away and walk to their house. as usual, they were crazy and funny. my grandma had broken one of her teeth on a hard white candy, and her smile was really different. i didn't like it. i am used to her smile being one way. everything changes when your smile changes. she was wearing a hat that she had found in one of the barns at the farm when she went this week. EVERY time she comes to our house, she sings this little song, whether she's wearing a hat or not:

"i had a hat when i came in,
i hung it on the rack.
i'll have a hat when i go out,
or i'll break somebody's back."

funny. it was nice to see them. it's something i don't like to think about, but i sure hope i will see them again when i get back. they are so constantly entertaining, and i really like their funny little laughs and ukrainian accents and jewish-esque vernacular ("oi, yoi, yoi").

one of the best things of all summer is what happened when my mom and i were walking out to the car. just when we were getting into the car, this jeep full of boys listening to the tragically hip sped by, then parked at the end of the construction. six boys got out, and started skateboarding. after a few seconds, i realized that two of the boys were cassidy and cody harbak! anyone not from vermilion can never understand how exciting and wonderful that was, but hopefully andrea and kelsey can. little jonas was there too. it was good to talk to the boys, and see that not much has really changed (except for chad and cassidy's matching wives). i seriously miss them and chad and jonas like mad. jonas and his wife are apparently in thailand, which is crazy. i still have a little bit of time to convert, with the hopes that the last standing harbak will marry me.

anyways, jehovah's witness high school friends aside, my evening continued with a ride back to edmonton and a visit with a very supportive, very understanding courtney p. i'm glad we got to hang out. i'm glad she understands stuff.

tomorrow i have to pack up a little bit, then drive to calgary. that will be nice. one of my all-time favorite things to do is to drive by myself for long distances and listen to music. then kelseydawn and i might go see pirates of the carribean II. then my training officially starts on monday! let's hope calgary transit is as fast, friendly, and reliable as ETS.