sad that you think that we're all just scenesters

hi friends.

i've been avoiding posting because SO MUCH has happened in the past few weeks. but i've got to get back into it sometime, right? here is a semi-chronological listing of some things that have happened since my last post:

-i had an interview with city hall for a tour guide position. they loved me and were ready to hire me, but i didn't have enough availability because of all my classes. boo. i would have loved that job.
-i had my third annual kickball party at hawrelak park on saturday, september 13th. some of my most-loved people were there, including emily, jessica, becky, jordan, stephanie, julia, and some of julia's friends. sorry that some of you missed it because you were in lake louise.
-made bannock at liam's house for a bunch of scenesters when i went over there to visit jessica and say goodbye to jenni (who was leaving on a 6-week band tour). is that mean to say that about the scenesters? maybe. it was shitty bannock and i was embarrassed of it. i really feel like i have to prove my bannock-making skills to jessica. i feel like as a result of that night, she doubts my awesome bannock-making abilities.
-jordan and i continued to hang out in much the same way we had before we "broke up"
-i irregularly started attended faculty of native studies students' association meetings. i really like the people on the association and would like to get more involved, but the meeting times are kind of inconvenient for me.
-had another interview, this time for doing presentations to high school students on their post-secondary options. it would have been a great job, and paid well, and it was the most fun interview i have ever done, but they ended up not hiring me because i didn't have a car. boo.
-in cree class one day, my teacher told our class that someone in the beginner cree class needed a tutor, and asked us if any of us would be willing to tutor. we were all really reluctant, and i think we all thought it would be volunteer, but i eventually stuck up my hand because no one else was, and i knew i had a pretty good grasp of beginner cree and would likely be able to help the student somewhat. it turns out it is a paying gig, so i get paid $25 an hour to tutor someone the most beautiful language i've ever heard! AND i ended up taking on two other students, although i meet with them slightly less and get paid slightly less than with the first student.
-i went for a walk in hawrelak park with my mom, and told her how much my dad was stressing me out by always trying to get me to get my life all planned out. it was a nice walk.
-after walking with my mom, i met jessica and becky and doug at my house, and doug drove us all in his van to calgary, where we stayed at kelsey's for the night. i brought my longboard, and in the evening all of us girls went longboarding/bike riding along the river. it felt sooo good. i really want to move to calgary some summer just to longboard. the next day, the four of us from edmonton plus kelsey drove to canmore to go caving at rat's nest cave. it was super fun. kelsey and i had been there together before, but the other three had never been caving. they had a good time, i think. the best was that doug's eyes were so sparkly and happy and awefilled or something whenever we turned around to look at him with our headlamps. cute. also, i had been sick all weekend with a cold, so i took some neocitran in the morning before we left, not realizing that it induced drowsiness. i ended up feeling incredibly sick to my stomach by the time we got to canmore, and wasn't sure i was going to be able to cave at all. luckily, i felt better after about half an hour. our tour guide operates a dog sledding operation in canmore, so i want to try to get a bunch of people together to do that this winter. on the way home from canmore, we stopped in calgary to drop kelsey off and to get doug a hot dog from tubby dog. i do not like hot dogs, but these grossed me out even more than i thought possible. becky ate her hot dog with crushed potato chips all on top of it. kelsey's veggie dog had peanut butter and jam and cap'n crunch cereal. doug's hot dog was wrapped in bacon and then deep fried, and topped off with a fried egg and some sauteed onions and i think maybe even some other gross things. ew.
-i went to my friend meghan's birthday party at the kingsway moxie's, and had a good time talking with her and our friend kevin.
-i gave an oral presentation to my values/ethics/sustainability graduate-level course on traditional ecological knowledge, and i felt really really good about it. i really like giving oral presentations. some of my classmates hate it. i can't understand why. easy marks!
-at the end of the month, i felt irritated towards jordan for ditching me on a number of fun activities we had planned, and that i had really looked forward to.

that's it for september. i'll try to give a more detailed overview of october sometime in the near future.

love cdg

put your circuits in the sea

i post whenever i am asked to. natasha asked. here is my post.

i am back in edmonton. i have been since august 20th. so, almost 3 weeks. here's a little rundown:
-jordan surprised me at the airport with flowers as my parents looked on, beaming and snapping pictures. i was embarrassed.
-i only hung out very briefly with a few friends for the week after i got back. that included hanging at becky's, running errands with jonathan in st. albert, meeting julia at good earth café, going to see "pineapple express" (which was TERRIBLE - we wanted to go see "dark knight" but arrived too late) with kevin, and then lots and lots of time with jordan.
-i drove to athabasca to pick jessica up from camp there, where she had worked for the last month. seeing her felt like the opposite of leaving caitlan. like, all the same feelings, but backwards. it was, i think, my happiest day all summer. we had a very beautiful time in the woods and sleeping in her cabin, and talking and talking and talking. i am very glad to have her. on the way back to edmonton the next day, we stopped at a sketchy hotel restaurant in legal for lunch, and had some INCREDIBLE burgers and fries. seriously. incredible. stop there if you are ever headed up that way.
-i reluctantly got my first injection of gardasil, after being assured by my dad's insurance company that they would pay for all three doses. gardasil is that semi-controversial drug they've been giving to grade 5 girls - controversial because christian parents think it will make their elementary-aged kids start having sex - to protect against 2 types of cervical cancer and 2 types of genital warts caused by HPV. each injection costs $150, and you need 3. i didn't want to get it, but the pharmacist very correctly pointed out that we generally pay more than that in car insurance every year, and you would definitely rather have insurance than have to deal with something if it came about. so, if you are reading this and have not gotten your gardasil shots, i would recommend looking into it. then you can make your own decision.
-i continued to feel that i didn't get enough alone time this summer, and that manifested itself in me being irritable and even shaky when i was around my friends and jordan.
-jordan came to my parents' house for the weekend, and my parents totally fell in love with him. that freaked me out and made me crave space even more.
-school started, and the workload is already stressing me out. i realized i would need to devote a significantly larger amount of time to schoolwork than i ever have before. that means less social time.
-jordan and i mutually and amicably decided that a "relationship" would be too difficult and frustrating to navigate/maintain right now, given my need for space and stress over school. i don't think much has REALLY changed, but things feel more fluid and less stressful.
-i am doing this non-profit board internship through the university of alberta at the nina haggerty centre for the arts, and i went to my first board meeting tonight. i am excited about the organization and about helping out with their major annual fundraiser, cakewalk.
-i went for afternoon tea at rutherford house yesterday with jessica, julia, julia's friend anna, stephanie, and my sisters. becky and shannon were both too sick to come. the rest of us had a really nice time, and will probably make it a monthly thing. let me know if you want to join us. we would likely love to have you.
-went to bri and bethany's for a party last night. as usual, i dreaded going to a party, so i mostly stayed in the shadows and just talked to the people i knew fairly well, which included, chronologically, bri, dave, natasha, joel, bethany, lewis, and karen. dave made a sauna out of a tent and a pail of hot rocks, and i am now committed to trying to do it at my parents' sometime.

now i have to get back to my article summaries. gah. i have to read and summarize 9 articles this week, and then read another 6 without summarizing them. ugh. i used to be able to get away with not cracking a textbook for an entire semester. i guess 5 years of doing that is catching up with me.

the 'fax of life

okayyy...

i've been away from church point for just over a week now, but it feels like it was eons ago. here's a brief summary of my last little bit there:
-i spoke a lot of english. i didn't even try to hide it. i spoke it in the cafeteria, in the petit bois, on the beach, in my room, everywhere. and not one avertissement. woo!
-i ended up with 98% as my final mark in the course, which wasn't very satisfying because the course was so simple and just a repetition of what i learned a long time ago. i decided i WOULD like to continue on with french, though, because... i don't know. it's a good thing to have, and i like learning.
-a grammy-nominated creole fiddler almost kissed me, but i avoided it by delicately telling him i have a boyfriend.
-i loved someone faster than i have ever loved before, i think. her name is caitlan and she is lovely. our spirits like each other a lot. i think we broke my jessica-loving record, but maybe not. i sure loved jessie j. pretty quickly.
-i cried when caitlan left (she had to head out a few days early for a wedding in PEI). i have hardly cried at all in the last two years, and i used to do it all the time. i miss it. it felt really satisfying.
-i wrote a lot of letters. i sent at least 50 to friends and family. a lot of those were to jordan.
-i learned more than i used to know about mardi gras. it is neat, and i'd like to go sometime.
-i didn't end up loving the land as much as i thought i would, and won't be too sad if i never return there.
-i am confused. i don't know if it is good or bad. probably both. this summer has been quite a different experience than my usual summers up north. i feel like i still haven't had my much-needed alone time to decompress from the rest of the year and the summer itself.

now i am in halifax. i am staying with my friend erica, who just moved here from edmonton last month. we rowed together on the u of a team last fall, and now she's coming here for design school. before halifax, i was in PEI, where i absolutely fell in love. PEI is the first place outside alberta where i really feel i could live. i think that's probably because it is very similar to alberta, with its rolling farmland and quiet and unpretentiousness. charlottetown is beautiful and i hope that one day i can grow up and be quiet and make sweaters and crafts there. the hostel i stayed at was incredible, and my stay was made even better by the presence of caitlan, who stayed at her relatives' house during the night but came into town to hang out with me every day i was there. we ate some amazing meals, visited some small shops, saw the legislature and some amazing old churches, visited green gables in cavendish and hung out on the beach. so nice. i joined a tour group on wednesday the 13th, and we revisited cavendish, biked along the beach, drove across confederation bridge (which is incredible!) and stopped for pictures, visited some small towns and farmers' markets in nova scotia, saw the "bluenose II," camped overnight in a tipi in the rain, went for a wine tasting at a little winery, rode inner tubes down a beautiful river, and played in the mud flats along the bay of fundy. now i have just 2 more sleeps until i go home. i can't wait to be back home, but i wish i could have spent more time in PEI. (in case you're wondering, halifax is pretty great too. my qualms with PEI and halifax are these: PEI has no forests, and i need forests; halifax is a little too young and a little to art-scene for me. but both are definitely live-able for me. maybe i will move here sometime.)

semaine 3

okay. i should update. there's a lot to say.

first off: i never really liked french. i thought maybe 7 years away from it would change things, but nope. i still don't like it. that makes it really hard for me to learn it. i LOVE learning cree, so i am excited to do assignments and practice and let the words roll off my tongue. it is not so with french. on top of not liking the language, i am also getting confused, because my brain wants to say an english sentence, then it translates it into broken cree, and then realizes that cree isn't the language i wanted, so it re-translates it into broken french. i am just sick of having my conversations limited to, "il fait froid," and "j'ai faim," and "est-ce que tu veux aller à la chateau avec moi?" i end up cheating and having a lot of secret whispered english conversations.

it is weird not having most of my thoughts consumed by "native issues." this is really the first time since king's that i haven't worked with/lived with/studied aboriginal people and/or issues. i kind of forgot that other realities existed.

canada post is doing a great job of delivering the letters i've written (which numbers about 25 so far), but is doing a shit job of delivering any to me. i am feeling very forgotten about, even thought i KNOW some of my friends have sent stuff in the mail within the last week.

school here is kind of a drag. the stuff we are learning is stuff i already know, but have forgotten since high school. it is frustrating that most of the exercises my class does are very childish. i wish that they taught french here the way dorothy teaches cree at the u of a. i think i might be a little more excited about it. also, my workshops sometimes tend to get a little childish. BUT...

there are some great things about being here. first, i am learning a ton about acadian history. i have always been really bad at understanding history, because i never really had something solid to anchor all those dates to. but now that i have a decent understanding of the western treaties in canada, and some of the things that led up to them (the royal proclamation of 1763, for instance), i can understand our history a little better. i guess i forgot whatever i had been taught about the acadians, but they have a pretty fascinating history. a lot of the students here are cajun from louisiana, so we've had a few louisianaise parties (mardi gras, some cajun music, etc.). i have always always always wanted to go to the deep south, and this makes me want to go even more. learning about the acadians is good for me within the context of native studies, because it kind of shows the kind of assimilation tactics/fear that was happening BETWEEN EUROPEAN GROUPS.

i can't wait to get back to edmonton! i readjusted my courses for the fall and winter terms, and i am stoked! i will be taking the second level of cree, alberta archaeology, northwest coast archaeology, aboriginal cultural foundations, native economic development, natural resource management for aboriginal communities, social and economic impact assessments, a second level of research methods in native studies, and... one more course. i haven't decided which yet. it will probably be a community-service learning one so i can get my CSL certification. i love love love love love school! i am also hoping to apply for a master's program at the u of a, for a start date of september 2009. the department of rural economy hopes to introduce a master of science program in risk and community resilience. whoa! awesome! so i am trying to get all my prerequisites in order, which is no problem, because they all seem interesting. also, when i get back, i am gonna go up north and pick jessie up from long lake camp. i think after that we MIGHT go to sucker creek/high prairie to say hi to some peeps/some land. my momma and i (and i really hope jordan) are planning to go to métis crossing for a festival there on august 23-24. i also wanna visit robin in red deer, and see kelsey when she gets back from amsterdam and go skating with her in calgary, and go spelunking in canmore or jasper with lots of people i love. before all that, though, i am going to have a nice solo vacation in charlottetown and halifax for 10 days. i am gonna go to avonlea, so if you want me to give gus pike a kiss for you, you'd better let me know now. or if you want some anne of green gables shit. woo!

tonight is christmas. i made some mittens for the person whose name i pulled, but i don't even know who she is. joyeux noel!

here, we get 3 warnings if we speak english (or get caught on english websites). i haven't gotten any yet, but i should really have a million. i kind of feel like i am mario. i need to find some boxes with question marks on them to get some more free lives.

semaine deux

this week was kinda sucky for a few reasons: 1. i hate the workshop that my group is in this week. it is just dumb icebreaker-type games in a classroom. boring. childish. 2. i am pms-ing. 3. i haven't gotten any mail from jordan (or anyone else) yet. 4. my name hasn't been drawn for any of the little field trips this week. 5. my class is too easy for me, i think. but it is okay. i think this week will be the worst. after it, the mail will start flowing in, and my workshops will change to better ones, and my pms will be over, and hopefully class will start to get a little more challenging. tomorrow we are going on a boat trip to hopefully see whales (les baleines) and seals (les foques). tonight we are having a tex-mex party, and tomorrow we are having a louisiannaise/mardi gras party, because a lot of the students here are from louisianna. i like that i am learning a tiny bit of history about the acadians/cajuns/french/british, because it definitely will help me understand history for native people here and west of mississippi better. i didn't do a whole lot this week because my name wasn't drawn for any of the field trips. i mostly just napped, typed letters, and crocheted. i DID manage to get some old favorites (in english!) out from the bilingual library here, so i've been chillin in my room with edward estlin, john donne, milty, ondaatje, and huck finn and tom sawyer. i think i'd go crazy without those boys.

je ne comprends pas

so. i am in nova scotia - "nouvelle écosse." i`m doing a 5-week french immersion program at université sainte-anne in church point, nova scotia (pointe-de-l`église, nouvelle-écosse). i left edmonton at 1:00 a.m. on sunday morning, when my parents and jordan saw me off. i will interrupt this post on nova scotia to give an update on jordan:

he is a dreamboat and i like him a lot. on saturday we went to his opa`s in beaumont and weeded a row of carrots. his opa is a gardener by trade. afterwards we went inside, and on the way, jordan`s opa presented me with a bouquet of freshly-picked flowers from his garden. adorable. he invited us inside for some "cool watermelon," and then jordan and i had to leave to make it to hobbema in time to catch the end of the afternoon session of the powwow there. jordan had never been to a powwow, and so it was super, super nice to bring him and have him enjoy it as much as he did. we liked the dancing, but especially liked the powwow food. i had an "indian taco" (a regular taco, but ON TOP OF FRIED BANNOCK!!!) and he had some amazing fresh corn on the cob. we drove home and i finished packing, and he came over so we could watch the final star wars together. then my parents came over (calling half an hour before they arrived to say, "get your clothes back on!" ha.), and all four of us drove out to the airport. they saw me off, and my parents told me later that my mom had asked jordan on the way home what he planned on doing for the rest of the summer, to which he replied, "you mean aside from pining for your daughter?" cute. i think that`s a good sign. anyways. we are not e-mailing or calling each other while i am gone, but plan on writing and sending letters frequently. like we`re in 1908. cute.

anyway. now i am in church point. look it up on google maps, or mapquest if you prefer. on sunday we settled into our rooms - i have my own room in the "beaulieu" residence. i am relieved to have my own room. most of the people here are a lot younger than me - some are 13 or 14! - but everyone in my residence is my age or older. whew. the reason i chose this university for the program is because it is so isolated, and i really need to go somewhere rural and quiet every summer to recuperate from being in the city. as a result, i am remaining kind of antisocial. i just need some space for my own mental/emotional/spiritual well-being. luckily, the person i like hanging out with most is my next door neighbour. she is a girl named andrea who is 24 and from regina, and she is taking international studies. we are at about the same level in french, so it is nice to be able to talk (or not talk) with her.

on monday night we signed contracts saying we would not speak english until the last night of our stay here (august 8th). if we get caught speaking it 3 times, we get sent home. eeks! it is mostly hard for me to remember to speak french when i just get up from a nap. my brain is not working yet even in english, so to make it think in french is next to impossible. after that, we had a "vin et fromage" party, but andrea and i didn`t stay long because we were so tired.

on tuesday we started classes. i am in "débutant 1," because i have forgotten most of the french i learned in the 7 years leading up to my last french class, which was 7 years ago. it is definitely the most appropriate class for me, though. we have just done simple sentences and the verbs "avoir" and "être" yesterday and today, and they are good refreshers. i have class from 8:00 a.m. until 9:30, and then we have a half hour "session dìnformation," where we find out what activities are happening later that day. then i have class again from 10:00 until 11:30, and then lunch, and then free time until 2, when we have some activities. because i am a beginner, i am in the "conversation" class, which means that my group rotates around through the other activities and gets a taste of each of them. this week i am working in "le petit bois" - the little woods/forest. there are a series of pathways that the first missionaries here built, and we are helping to maintain them and some other little gardens. today we helped weed some flowerbeds, which i usually hate doing but found surprisingly enjoyable, probably because it wasn`t boiling hot out and there were a lot of us helping out to make the job go quickly.

this is getting very long. i will write more later. here is a reminder to myself of what to write about: "les olympiques comiques," "balle-molle," english-cree-french.

the hardest button to button

kelseydawn is hassling me for not writing, and i've been meaning to for a while, so here goes:

important updates since last time:
-the internet says that i have a boyfriend. you can add him as a friend and facebook stalk him if you wanna. he likes eating his vegetables. he has nice teeth and is an acceptably good speller. he has good intentions and is well-versed in the ways of apple (ie. mac) navigation. swoon.
-i talked to a professor in rural economy about doing a master of science in risk and community resilience at the u of a. hopefully the program will be offered by next fall.
-my grandparents celebrated their 65th wedding anniversary. wow!
-i finished my fort mcmurray class, and how! i got an A on my final essay on aboriginal education, and samesies on my presentations and stuff. let's hope it can help nudge this year's 3.8 GPA up a couple more notches...
-work work work at the legislature. i like it a lot. i don't like the suit that i have to wear, though. the arms are too short.
-went to jordan's grandma's for a barbecue, and he INTRODUCED me as his GIRLFRIEND. whoa! i mean, i am, but usually i tend to beat around that word.
-planned on going to sucker creek/joussard/grouard/high prairie with meaghan and jessie, but those plans got squashed because: a) i had to work, b) we had nowhere to stay, c) i kept trying to get a hold of lee (the elder i've lived with up there), but never managed to, and d) the power steering in the car i was going to take went less than 24 hours before i was going to use it. eff. i had a fun week anyway.
-watched jessie play at hulberts' open mic (she starts at about 59 minutes into the podcast).
-went to elk island park - my first time ever! - with meghan. we sat in the sun and watched a lonely bison graze only a few metres away from us. then we went for a nice walk but were attacked by mosquitos. then we drove back to e-town and went for screamers near the legislature. then i went to the mall to kill time before i had to return the jeep to emily. i visited emery at urban outfitters and bought three pairs of tennis shoes (white, mint, and yellow). aritzia flooded all the way over to forever 21. i love mall drama.
-watched the first four stars wars episodes with my new internet boyfriend (i have never, ever seen them before in my life).
-dropped jordan off at the airport for his trip to new york.
-watched my sister alyssa perform with shumka at the jubilee.
-went to "body worlds" at telus world of science with kelsey, kaylin, and kelsey's friend dan. it made me feel pretty uneasy and nauseated. and also hungry. ew. afterwards we all went for screamers at the legislature, and kelsey and i decided we'd drive back to calgary that night to see if we could catch jenni and jessica and this girl megan at the neighbourhood council ep release. we did! but we only caught the last song. kelsey went home to clean while the rest of us wandered around downtown. we tried to drive to kelsey's but calgary is the worst city ever and every street is a one-way street that only leads out of the city. eventually we got to kelsey's, but were super tired, so we went right to bed.
-the girls had to leave at around 6:00 the next morning, and i thought that i'd get up and kind of see them off and then go back to bed, but kelsey wouldn't let me. we laid around in bed (well, i laid around in couch) for a while and then longboarded/walked to good earth café for breakfast. then we took the c-train to the marlborough wal-mart to buy some fabric. we trained/bussed home, stopping at safeway to get some taco stuff. tacos are our tradition. i was really really really grumpy and exhausted. at her house, we watched clueless and we each worked on our own sewing projects. we each made a wall-hanging kind of thing, and i also started working on a cute apron with the same fabric. then we watched the peanut butter solution, which might have been a good decision if i were in the right mood. then we went longboarding again in this amazing neighbourhood just down the hill from her house, and then along the elbow river on some really sweet paved paths. it was probably the best longboarding of my life. i can understand why kelsey goes so much more often than i do. it actually made me like calgary infinitely more, and made me consider moving there temporarily sometime in the indefinite future. we came home and made tacos and watched big fish while sewing. then we went longboarding again along the same place because it is so effing awesome. then we came home and ate snacks and finished sewing and watched shaun of the dead. then we went to bed.
-i bussed home from calgary this morning. before coming back to my apartment, i stopped at the nina haggerty centre for the arts, which is the organization i've been placed with for my non-profit board student internship next year. they seem super rad, and i can't wait to get really involved.

this coming week seems pretty stellar. i've got a BBQ with my classmates from my fort mcmurray course, potentially some free shakespeare in the park, an illfit outfit show, and a devon-to-edmonton canoe trip with a solid collection of A-listers. woo!

crude thoughts: part 2

on saturday meaghan and i woke up at 8:30 to catch the free continental breakfast offered by our hotel before it ended at 9:00. i had fruit, toast with peanut butter and jam, and some orange juice, and i stole a muffin and some fruit loops for later. after breakfast i showered and meaghan and i met our instructor sara and our classmates julia and lisa in the lobby to go grocery shopping for the entire group. we first made a big list of groceries to get, and then we each took a food group list and went to work. i had the breads/pastas list, a.k.a. "the party list." meaghan was stuck with meats. ha. we had 4 shopping carts at the end, but it all only ended up costing $372. we are good shoppers, i guess. afterwards i met zane, julia, lisa, and leah, and we walked down to the salvation army, where we had been offered volunteer positions for serving coffee to the homeless population. i wasn't too interested in sticking around, because a) i didn't think i'd learn a whole lot that i didn't know already, and b) i knew it would be crowded with "volunteers" and i'd end up feeling useless. i had only gone because i wanted to check out what the homeless demography was made up of, but when we got there, no one was there yet. i took off for a walk mymyself to the post office to buy some stamps, but it was saturday, so of course it was closed. i came back to the hotel and napped, and then meaghan and i walked to wendy's for lunch.

at 2:00 sara drove meaghan, julia, karen, leah, lisa, david, niahl, and i to the oil sands discovery centre. i'd been there a few years ago when i was at some kind of leadership conference, but all i had remembered about it was drinking from juiceboxes in a back room somewhere. it was a really interesting place, especially because i am so into interpretive educational centres and also fascinated by oil history. i liked being there because it really made me appreciate the industry from a perspective that i don't really endorse. i mean, the technology in this industry is really quite amazing, and i can understand a little more why some people get so excited about the magnitude of the projects and the machinery and stuff.

after the discovery centre, we came back to the hotel. my roommate laura made some pasta for supper, but i had been snacking on peanuts and rice crackers all day, so all i really wanted were a couple of dinner buns. i think i went to bed pretty early.

crude thoughts: part 1

i have to do some journal writing for my oil class, but i'm bad at journaling, so i'm just gonna blog about it all, and then copy and paste it for my class. here goes:

i'm in fort mcmurray. my CSL 350 class ("oil and community: struggles over labour and learning") is here for a 9-day field trip, during which we will be "participant observers" and learn about the oil industry. another major part of our week will be participating in volunteer projects. the 12 people in the class are divided into partnerships of 2 people each, with the last two people working individually. my partner is a lady named jill, who works as a teacher in northwestern alberta. our project involves attending and working with the aboriginal studies 10/20/30 class at a local high school. i'm pretty stoked about the project. i'll write about it later, though.

we drove up to fort mac yesterday morning. we met at CSL house on saskatchewan drive at 8:00, and loaded up into a 15 passenger van. one of our instructors drove the van, while the two other instructors drove up in a car. jill also chose to take her own car. i think that that was a really good decision, because it means that we can easily get to our placement (it would have been pretty difficult to get to without a vehicle). the ride took about 5 hours. when we started the trip, we realized that the van had a cd player, but none of us had brought cds. i was going to joke to my friend meaghan that we didn't need to worry, because we could totally pick up a used copy of alan jackson's greatest hits or something from some sketchy small-town gas station along the way. two hours later, we stopped in grassland at a sketchy gas station, and there was TOTALLY a rack of used cds, INCLUDING an alan jackson's greatest hits album. i rule! i SO know this scene. this scene = rural northern alberta. anyways... i spent most of the trip listening to weezer and dave matthews band on my ipod, and crocheting some lime green/forest green striped mittens. my lunch consisted of some hawkins cheezies and a big bag o' m'n'ms. we passed through a big area of burned forest that looked a lot like the burned forest that's just outside of slave lake. i wonder if it was part of the same forest fire. i really love the way that burned forest looks, a few years after the fire. there's so much new growth. it's just a really beautiful reminder of the importance of cycles and death and dependence and beginnings.

i've been to fort mac about five times before, but every time, i really love coming into the city. it's set in the river valley, and there is boreal forest surrounding the city, so coming into the treed valley is pretty beautiful. unfortunately, the deciduous trees up here are still like the ones in edmonton were last week - no leaves or blossoms yet. hopefully they'll get a little greener over the next week while we're here. a lot of people complain about fort mac, but quite honestly, i've always liked it. i think that the trees and the river valley have a lot to do with it, but maybe it's the isolation and the distance too. i know it's a small city, but it still feels like a small town to me. it feels a lot like the south side of lesser slave lake, where all the little communities along that side of the lake (high prairie, east prairie, sucker creek, grouard, driftpile, joussard, slave lake, etc.) make up one big community of rurally/industrially-minded people. my classmates keep commenting on the number of pick-up trucks around the city, but it doesn't seem too out of the ordinary to me.

the reasons for me coming to fort mac in the past have been for ukrainian dance, soccer, and high school and university leadership conferences. therefore, i think i have been able to see the sustainable community side of the city that many people don't get to see or don't believe exists. i'd like to learn more about developing community here, partly because i love the idea of developing community anywhere, and partly because i love northern alberta and want to contribute to keeping its people and land healthy.

when we got into the city, most of my classmates went to meet with their community partners, but my and jill's partner was busy, so i got to nap/unpack during that time. our hotel is pretty swank. we each get our own beds (or, in my case, a hide-a-bed), each room has a kitchenette, there are laundry facilities in each suite, and the free junk you get in the bathroom is bath and body works stuff. exciting! for real. and INCREDIBLY expensive. thankfully, the university got some kind of grant for us to go on this trip, so everything is basically paid for my that grant. good deal. after my nap, people started coming back, and we all walked over to a nearby church, where we met the deputy mayor of the city and ate pizza for supper. the meeting was so interesting! the thing i found most interesting was that only 17% of eligible voters voted in the last municipal election, and 21% voted in the last provincial election. eek! the deputy mayor told us that his friend once told him, "i pay more for my cell phone coverage than for my municipal tax," and as a result, people really don't care what is going in politics. the population is so transient that it doesn't really matter to them how decisions impacting the future turn out. yikes! i was also really fascinated that we met in a church. i guess the deputy mayor is quite christian. i wanted to ask him what role the churches played in creating community for permanent and temporary residents, but i didn't get a chance because our meeting ended after only an hour. i am thinking about going to their youth group next friday to just see what happens. church life is just so fascinating to me.

after our meeting with the deputy mayor, meaghan, julia and i went to zellers (which is right next to our hotel) and bought some crochet hooks and yarn. we got back to the hotel and went to our instructors' room to celebrate one instructor's birthday. then meaghan, julia and i came back to my and meaghan's room, and i taught them how to crochet. they are both working on making a crocheted shoulder bag. adorable! we crocheted and watched t.v. and talked about boys, and then went to bed around 10:30.

right in front of my face and i just cannot hide it

rad things about the last couple o'days:
-hanging out at steeps and visiting with jessica while she's working (sometimes also in the company of meaghan)
-mailing crafts to people i like
-my dad taking me out for lunch at mongolie grill on wednesday, where we talked about the dreamy boy i've kind of been making out with lately. we laughed a lot and it was really fun.
-getting my grace and cello jacket replaced (the lining tore FIVE different holes within a month of buying it) and my cinder & smoke shirt resewn (there were some holes in the seams of one that i had bought at the royal bison craft show)
-going for a long long walk with emily along the hawrelak park paths, and then eating pizza and watching scrubs
-gelato after work on thursday with aforementioned dreamy boy
-losing one of the mittens i had made for myself earlier this week, and then FINDING it on my walk home from work today!
-becoming friends with the new workers at the legislature
-the legislature has put water in its pools!
-hanging out by myself with my ipod on the grass at the ledge in the sun, enjoying a screamer
-friday night supper with my sisters at dadeo, enjoying vanilla coke
-introvert sleepover party with claire at her house, where we talked about boys and overanalyzing and other things... and ate popcorn and golden oreos and watched o brother, where art thou?. in the morning, she made us delicious tea biscuits.
-being able to walk to and from work in the sunshine
-seeing so many people i know everywhere. i saw meaghan this morning when i was walking back from claire's, this other boy i know this evening, joel kelly on thursday, becky and sarah riding their bikes on saskatchewan drive this afternoon, and others. nice. i love community!
-a really nice facebook message from dustan
-listening/singing to late 80s and early 90s country in the car with alyssa
-seeing my parents tonight at a dinner/dance thing for emily's ukrainian dance group
-talking with my mom about dreamy boys

not rad things:
-overanalyzing
-overworking
-missing kelsey

'twas in my salad days, when i was green, not ripe in judgement

yesterday i sold my car, and today i signed up for bullfrog power. you should consider doing the same.

also: on monday, i took an MLA and his guests up for a VIP tour to the palm room at the legislature, and since we were all feeling pretty adventurous, i unlocked some of the locks and we first walked around on the legislature's roof, and then climbed a bunch of stairs in the dark all the way up to the top of the dome. pretty thrilling, and the whole ordeal made me slightly more sympathetic towards the conservatives (the member was a conservative from calgary).

also: i am feeling socially exhausted lately, so i've been cancelling hangouts to be by myself. it is nice.

also: i have five out of six of my marks back from this semester, and i have: A-, A-, A, A+, A+. genius!

remember the grade 6 kid from this post? well, i found his "newsletter", and if you look back on the posts of october 2007, you'll find the ones where he interviewed the weakerthans, like i wrote about. his blog is crazy! and he's 11 years old!

i will post more about my life soon. a lot and nothing is happening. don't worry.

i haven't got a licence but i've got a lot to say

Sunday, April 6: Emily met me at Three Bananas Café at about 12:20 for lunch. I had wanted their pesto chicken panini, but they didn't have any that day, so I had to settle for a chicken pizzette. I like pizza, but it's kind of a hassle for me to eat, because I don't like cheese and I always have to pick it all off before I eat it. Not a date food. After our hangout, Emily headed to the south side of the city for some modeling thing. Ugh. I don't know how my sisters and I can be related. Both of them are vain and love modeling and stuff like that. I hate hate hate having my photo taken.

So, I asked the boy that I met at Good Earth Café last week if he wanted to meet me for a haiku-writing match. He said yes (in a haiku), so things looked promising. In my mind, this was a date. And a pretty good idea for one, at that! I thought it was a good blend of our interests (both former English majors), as well as something creative, as well as something where awkward silences were not only okay but actually INVITED as a form of creative reflection. I should write a date book or something. We met at the downtown library, and I brought my typewriter because typewriters are awesome and typing haikus on typewriters is even awesomer. So we walked over to the Citadel to sit by the little man-made waterfall amongst the trees, and started writing haikus. Disastrous things included: his decision to complement the nicest jeans I have ever seen a boy wear with the most giant, hideous green winter/rubber boots. What was he thinking? Also, his writing style was NOT my style, and I don't think we really got each other. Oh well. Talking at Second Cup was nice, though. I went home afterwards and worked on my NS 211 critical bibliography all night. It ended up being 19 pages long, but I finished it, which was really all that mattered.

Monday, April 7: I had good intentions of volunteering at the Bissell in the morning, but my brain felt really fried after writing that critical bibliography all night, so I decided to stay at home and mentally recuperate for a few hours before I began my Ecological Anthropology essay. I also walked over to CSL House to drop off my application for the Non-Profit Board Student Internship. I went there later on to talk to my CSL instructor about my final essay for her class. I had Cree at 2:00, where I found out I had gotten 97% on my oral autobiography presentation from last week! I spent the rest of the night working on my Ecological Anthro essay. It's actually a really exciting essay, because I am talking about the Iwokrama rain forest , which I learned a lot about firsthand when I lived in Guyana last year. A lot of their practices would be really beneficial to Alberta, I think. They use partnerships between government, private sector businesses and Indigenous communities to sustainably manage and protect 1 million acres of pristine rain forest, while also creating ecologically and culturally sustainable economic development. Sounds like a good idea? It is.

Tuesday, April 8: My NS 211 class had a little research colloquium where we all got to talk a little bit about our research projects. I really love doing things like that, and I've only been in one or two other classes that have done it before. It's neat to hear what other people are working on, and to share what I've put a lot of time and effort into. Afterwards we met with one or two other people who were working on topics relating to ours, and had a little bit more in-depth discussion with them. Neat. In NS 390, we talked a little bit about needs assessments for communities. In Cree we just did some review, and in Ecological Anthropology, we did the same thing as we did in NS 211, meeting with other people in the class to talk about our papers, and then doing a larger, informal presentation to the whole class about what we'd been working on. Fun. I spent the rest of the night working on my Ecological Anthro essay.

i will throw my tapes away, 'cause this will be the one worth saving

Saturday, April 5: I started the day with a little training session/meeting at the Legislature. I was antsy because it took longer than it had been scheduled, and to make things worse, my supervisors told me that because I was going to Nova Scotia for 5 or 6 weeks in the summer, they would have to hire someone to take my place and I would therefore not have a job there in the fall. Boo.

Confession corner: I have a little bit of an addiction to awkwardness. I really like being in awkward situations. My parents have always been a little overprotective, and have therefore never really allowed me to engage in extreme sports or any other other form of adrenaline manipulation through physical activity. As a result, I've learned to get my kicks from extreme emotions. Anyway, I joined a dating website a few weeks ago because (a) my best friend had, and (b) meeting good boys is hard! At first, I was pretty embarrassed about it, but I have since decided that it is pretty much the most entertaining thing of all times. The way I look at it, only three things can really happen: 1. You meet the boy/girl of your dreams, 2. You go on dates with people, which can really only be nice and comfortable or painfully awkward, both of which seem extremely appealing to me, or 3. You get messages from idiots who appear to be only semi-literate and obsessed with their 4 x 4s, motorcycles, Oilers games, etc., and you can tell your friends stories about these dudes and have a good laugh at their expense. High fives all around. So, getting back to the story I haven't actually even started yet: I had been talking with this one dude for, like, a week or two over the internet. Nothing intense, just a few messages about Weakerthans albums and how awesome it is to live in the part of the city we both live in. He said on his profile that he wasn't interested in a long-term relationship, and neither am I, so he seemed like a really perfect candidate for something I'd been wanting to do for a long time. I asked him if he wanted to meet me and go for a hand-holding walk, and if we could continue not telling each other our names through it. Right away, he got how awesome and awkward it would be, so we decided to meet at Garneau Elementary School at 1:00. We held hands and walked around the river valley and Whyte for about an hour and a half, stopping at the Farmers' Market for some vegetables and perogies. We said goodbye near his house and haven't spoken since. It seemed so nice and innocent. I really love things like that. Not telling each other our names seemed to make the whole thing, like, quieter or softer or something. Plus, hand-holding is awesome!!! I had good intentions of going to the Edmonton Flea Market later that day, and an Illfit Outfit show in the evening, but I was just too tired. I stayed at home and worked on essays.

we'd better run 'cause i haven't got the funds to pay this fine

i'm just importing these from my NS blog. excuse the capitals.

Monday, March 31: Instead of going to volunteer at the Bissell, I spent Monday morning working on essays. I went to school early to pick up an awesome typewriter that Joel had bought for me over the weekend. On the way to Joel's office in CAB, I ran into Emery in FAB. I really like running into people I know. I like feeling like I am part of a community. I had Cree at 2:00. Our class started our Cree autobiography presentations that day. I spent the rest of the day doing essays.

Tuesday, April 1: I did my Cree autobiography in class. I think it was the first Powerpoint presentation I have ever done in my life, which is pretty sad. I like giving presentations, so it was pretty enjoyable for me.

Wednesday, April 2: In my CSL class, we exchanged drafts of our final papers for peer editing. I don't like having other people read my stuff. I suppose it was a good exercise, though. While my group was out in the hallway of the Humanities Centre, Shannon walked by and we talked for a bit. She is going to start coming to Wednesday night crafting at Steeps, which is nice. After class I walked with my classmate Meaghan down 112th, and then I went to Steeps, where Becky and Jessie were waiting. I had brought Jessie's typewriter with me to bring it back to her, because I had gotten one of my own. Instead of crafting, I just typed haikus, borrowing lines from our conversation. Shannon and her husband Jeremy joined us around 5:00, but Jessie had to leave then to go to Cree class at the Native Friendship Centre. The rest of us left at around 5:45. I went home to work on essays. My mom called me to tell me that she had received a letter saying I had gotten into the French immersion program in Nova Scotia that I had applied for! Exciting!

Thursday, April 3: Thursdays are the days I have 8.5 hours of class, so I just did that all day. We handed in our art projects for our Contemporary Aboriginal Art class in the evening. My instructor was really supportive of my work. I did a 4 part piece. One part was a large knitted raven; one part was stretched canvas with an image of a Ukrainian woman lying on some bare soil and some ravens underneath; one part was sewn like a tipi front, and had art tools (paintbrush, pencil, etc.) keeping the buttonholes together, and had some hand-embroidered words near the bottom of it; and the last part was an acrylic paint/acrylic gel transfer/photocopies collage on hardboard. I was pretty happy with it, and pretty proud after my instructor's reaction.

Friday, April 4: Shannon and I hung out at Good Earth Café at 10:00. She told me that she had applied for the French immersion thing in Nova Scotia as a backup in case she doesn't get the summer job she wants. I hope that she gets the job, but I also hope she doesn't. It would be fun to hang out with her and learn French on the coast for a couple of weeks. I went to the elementary school to work at the noon hour, but it turned out that the schools were on spring break. Nice! I met my NS 211 prof at Pembina Hall to go over some entries from my critical bibliography for that class, and then I went to my Cree lab at 2:00. I spent the rest of the night working on my critical bibliography.

get down, girl, go 'head, get down

sunday, march 30: i set my alarm clock for 9:00, but i woke up at 8:00 because of excitement/nervousness. this is a ridiculous story, and you've probably heard it from me already, but if not, here goes: last week, kelsey told me about this dating website that she had joined, and after feeling particularly rejected one day, i joined. i talked to a boy and we made plans to meet on the coming sunday. i have the lowest self-esteem of all time, so i was pretty sure he was going to stand me up. he didn't! we met at good earth café at 10:15. he seems pretty dreamy. english major!? historical interpreter at fort edmonton park!? swoon! hanging out was fun and awesome. i was nervous at first, but then it was just comfortable. at first i was really embarrassed about the whole dating website thing, but now i've figured out that it is the most awesome form of entertainment ever. it's free, and you'll always either end up with: (a) a ridiculous message from some douchebag that you can laugh at, (b) a super awkward e-interaction or real date, or (c) an awesome hang out with a dreamy boy. why didn't i get into this earlier!? anyways, this boy drove me to the ledge at 11:15 so i could go to work. it was nice. i'ma try to hang out with him again. we'll see if it actually happens. anyway, i worked from noon until 5, and came home to nap and do homework. alyssa and i drove my parents' car to the airport at 11:00 to pick my parents and emily up from their mexico trip. they stopped at our apartment to pick up their cat (thank God!), and then drove back to vermilion that night.

monday, march 31: i thought about going to volunteer at the bissell this morning, but i was too tired from being at the airport last night, and wanted to get some more homework done. i went to school at 1:30. i ran into emery near his locker and chatted for a bit. my crush is officially over, which is pretty rad. high fives, self! i'm excited about just being normal friends with him from now on. then i went to joel's office to pick up a typewriter he had gotten for me at a thrift shop or something. it's amazing, and it was only $5! try not to be too jealous of me! i also borrowed a USB drive from him, for my cree presentation. i had cree at 2:00. we're all doing oral autobiographies of ourselves this week. they're pretty brutal, but cute. i'm doing mine tomorrow. i spent the rest of the day doing homework/napping/making supper/hanging out with emily.

always going two directions: once ahead, and the second is backwards

thursday, march 27: i skipped my ecological anthro class. i didn't intend to, but i got there 5 minutes late, and realized that: a) i didn't want to be there, and b) who cares if i go, because we don't have a final exam for that class. so i walked back home and did some homework.

friday, march 28: i met shannon and beth at good earth café at 10:00. it was super nice to hang out with them. i like connecting all the loose threads of friendship in my life. it just seems like there are a lot of people (shannon, beth, jessica, etc.) who have been NEAR my life for a long time but not IN it, and not in each other's lives. but we are starting to hang out. and my friends are starting to hang out with each other, which is super rad. i think that becky and claire and angie went to a concert on thursday night together. that's perfect! anyway, shannon and beth and i talked about being "post-christians," and it was good to have more people to talk to about that. i hope i can integrate those girls into my life more. after that, i walked to lister hall, because i had agreed to help out with this "rural discovery day" the university was having. i ate lunch with this high school girl from saskatchewan. she was really cute and had braces, and we talked a little about french and how we had both applied for the "explore" program. we found out that we had applied for the exact same first- and second-choice locations (church point, nova scotia and moncton, new brunswick)! she wrote me on facebook later that day to tell me that her mom had just received her acceptance package for church point in the mail that day. i have my fingers crossed that early this week i will find out whether i got in or not. anyway, it was nice to get free food (and a u of a t-shirt, and a clipboard thing) for just talking about myself and my experiences at the u of a. after that was done, i went to cree class, and then came home. i thought about going with becky and jessica to see a show, or with emery to see another show, but in the end i decided to stay at home and do homework. i also watched all (and only) the jason schwartzman scenes in shopgirl. dreamboat.

saturday, march 29: i worked on some homework in the morning. i also talked to kelseydawn about boys and my newest, cheapest, awesomest form of entertainment. well, one cheap, awesome, form of entertainment. claire came over at noon, and after advising me on appropriate strategies regarding attire, she and i went to good earth café for some orange poppyseed muffins. then we drove my parents' car to whyte so we could try to take advantage of american apparel's BFF sale. claire didn't end up buying anything, but i bought a red crew-neck sweater. i think all i want to wear from now on are small crew-neck sweaters. i also bought some more all-black chucks from decadence, because mine are wearing out pretty badly. i drove claire home, got some gas, and came home to work on some homework. i napped a bit too. at 6:30, i went to badass jack's for supper, and drove to the far west side of the city to adam and nicole's place for a baby shower shannon was throwing for barb. notable attendees included barb, brett, becky, jihye, shannon, jeremy, nathan g., colin p., and a bunch of other people i met, like, 7 years ago. it seems weird that they still exist. i spent most of the time apparently being awkward with becky, jihye, and jeremy at the end of the dinner table. i think i forgot how funny and awesome jeremy is to be around. i'm glad he and shannon are back in my circle. i went home around 8:45 and spent the rest of the night on homework.

press my rec and play, 'cause i want to save this moment

monday, march 24: worked at the ledge from noon until 5. called j.j. to ask if she wanted to go for vanilla cokes at dadeo. i have my parents' car for the week while they're in mexico, so i picked her up. dadeo was closed, so we went for plain cokes at fatburger and also stopped at home depot for hardboard (for collaging) and a staple gun.

tuesday, march 25: listened to i'm from barcelona's "rec and play" on repeat on my ipod all day. it's so happy! class class class.

wednesday, march 26: talked to my CSL prof about my final project. i think i'm gonna write about communal trauma. it seems to really sum up my experiences in native studies this semester. had cree and CSL class. some dude brought in watermelon, and between that and a warm classroom and happy music on repeat, i feel like it's time for summer. j.j. and becky and claire and i hung out at steeps and exchanged boy stories. i think i would rather have stories than have boys. good thing i'm an english/native studies major. hel-looo, oral tradition and an overemphasis on narrative! i also finished doing a ledger drawing for my aboriginal art class. it's about my most awkward moment. you know what it is.

stuck between rewind and forward

thursday, march 20: mad cramps.

friday, march 21: jessica and i met at whyte ave. at 1:30 and walked to the muttart conservatory, because this was the last day it will be open for 10 months because of renovation. we got there early so we sat on a hill and played cat's cradle with some string i had brought. then we went inside the tropical pyramid to wait for emery and stephanie and doug. i totally got stood up by emery, which was inarguably lame, but jessica and doug and i had a really fun time. we got some free daffodils on our way out. jessica and i walked and doug biked up the hill to 99th and saskatchewan drive, and then they kept going while i waited for the #6. it didn't come and i got restless, so i took off my shoes and walked home in my bare feet. my sisters came over later on and we watched half of "amélie" together.

saturday, march 22: i LRT'd to the downtown library to take back a book, and then i walked to the reuse centre to drop off a few things. i waited for the #6 at the CN building, and bussed to the farmers' market, where i bought potato/bacon and potato/jalapeño perogies, ginger snaps, bison burgers, and whole wheat pita bread. i walked home, and bought ketchup and barbecue sauce and apples on the way back. i made myself a bison burger in pita bread for lunch, and claire came over for a bit to work on her homework and hang out. we talked a little about possibly hanging out in newfoundland for a couple of weeks at the end of august, if everything works out. exciting! then she went to work, and my parents and emily arrived at my apartment. i took their car to whyte ave. to drop off a birthday present (a vivid print gift card) for becky. i went back to the apartment, and then my fam and i went to century grill for supper. we were going to go bowling at gateway lanes, but we got there and it was d-bag city, and we were told there was an hour-long wait or something, so we just went home. i finished watching amélie.

sunday, march 23: i drove my parents and emily to the airport at 7:00 so they could catch their flight to mexico. i came home and napped. then i talked to kelsey on the phone and was... inspired? i also went for hot chocolate with erica on whyte ave. we wanted to go for vanilla cokes, but dadeo was closed for easter. i spent the evening falling madly in love with "i'm from barcelona," a swedish 29-piece band. you should listen to them. it will change your life.

but when we wake it's all been erased

on tuesday becky and barb and i got our hair cut at vance's. becky's friend ji-hye came with us. i like short bangs, but mine are WAY too short now. i don't really mind, though, because they feel really good. i love having my hair off my face. and i don't have to look at myself, so it's no big deal.

yesterday i had to interview a girl in my community-based research methods about her diet, as part of a class assignment. it was a 20-minute interview, but i spent about three hours transcribing it last night. however, some of my classmates said it took them seven hours to transcribe their 20-minute interviews, so my self-esteem was boosted by my mad typing skills. i skipped cree yesterday, which was a good choice, because we had a swedish substitute teacher. i hung out with becky, claire, jessica, and jenni at steeps from 4:00 until about 7:00. i had a london fog and a green granola-ish bar (with no granola - mostly just sesame seeds, etc.) and a mazillion of claire's miniature reese's peanut butter cups. i worked on crocheting some brown mittens; becky worked on a pair of moccasins, and everyone else just hung out. afterwards i had to meet a different classmate so i could be the interviewee for his project. i came home and transcribed my interview, talked to jon k. on the phone, and kev came over so i could give him a pair of red and off-white mittens i had made for him.

oh, and i've been having nice dreams lately. swoon.