i finally got back from georgetown on friday. this time, the truck ride was only 12 hours, shaving 5 hours off the length of my previous 3 trips. we stopped at a small gold mining operation in the middle of the jungle, detouring about 2 hours to drop off some gold miners. i kept my mouth shut on my opinions about mining for fear of these miners hurting me. if it weren't for the whole raping-the-earth part, i think i would really like the idea of mining in guyana. setting up camp in the middle of the jungle... i guess that's the only part i like about it. i walked around their camp a little, and on the camp kitchen table, there was a huge box of condoms and some extremist christian literature on the new world order. nice.

at the kurupukari crossing, we stopped at a shop and i played with a baby monkey there. he was super cute. i would think baby monkeys are the ultimate pet, except that i don't really like the idea of pets. anyway, this little monkey would bring me a leaf or a feather, and then let me take it away from him, and then he would jump all over and climb up me and try to get it. fun. more exciting than a baby kitty, and cuter and smarter than a baby human.

most of the drive home was littered with talk of religion. after we dropped of the miners, there were 4 of us left in the truck: rawle (my supervisor), mike (who works at bina hill), joey (whose family holds the barbecue we all go to every saturday, and who drives the NRDDB bus), and me. joey's family are all Jehovah's witnesses (a side note: i continue to find j.w.'s to be amongst the friendliest, neatest people i know. i don't want their religion, though.), and we ended up talking religion for about 6 hours. 6 hours of hearing that the devil has a hold on me. nice. yesterday joey's daughter gave me some j.w. literature to read. today at breakfast, crystal and i somehow got into another religion conversation with the two red cross staff who are training us in first aid right now. jason is the only one of the four of us who self-identifies as christian. kristin and i used to, and crystal never did. anyway, it was more of the same: hearing that satan has a hold on me because of what i do/do not believe. frick. it's really frustrating, because i really truly know in my head and my heart that my relationship with God is personal and is good, and that things are happening in their own time and that's okay. and people never say it to be hurtful, but it's pretty messed up to be told that you are controlled by the devil. especially because i can't understand how someone "controlled by the devil" can cry when she drives through the rainforest or across the prairies or on the #4 in edmonton because she is so in love with the world and its creator. but i realized that the problem is that all the shit that was being spouted is actually in me because of all the years i spent identifying as a christian, and that's where all the guilt and doubt comes from. i need to get rid of it somehow. i don't know how.